


Species Identity Disorder

by transposer



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Body Modification, Depression, F/F, Female Homosexuality, Homosexuality, Lots of Angst, Possibly Unrequited Love, Really a lot of angst, Self-Harm, faunus, faunus identity disorder, species identity disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transposer/pseuds/transposer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weiss is not a Faunus. This is a problem for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Species Identity Disorder**

**A/N:** _Trigger warning, particularly for later chapters. I would rather not say for what, but if you are significantly affected by common triggers I would recommend not reading further._

* * *

_What does a tail feel like_? Weiss wondered as she gazed down idly at the two tiger Faunus children in the yard beneath her studio apartment. She was curled up on the sofa next to her open window, taking advantage of the late spring breeze and lazily contemplating the park below. Almost a month ago, just as exams had started, a family of Faunus with a young boy and girl moved into the suite beneath them. Weiss was increasingly finding herself distracted from studying, admiring the mesmerizing black-and-orange pattern that decorated her new neighbours, and wondering.

Weiss frowned. Really, the question she was pondering was not _what does a tail feel like_ \- she had eventually discovered the answer to that when she had invited Ruby's sister, Yang, and her Faunus girlfriend over for dinner. Ruby had been overjoyed that their first proper guests as roommates would be Yang and Blake, but Weiss had had ulterior motives.

"Ouch!" the Faunus boy exclaimed as the girl yanked on his tail. Weiss winced in sympathy. They were playing some game that looked like tag but specifically involved grabbing the other's tail. She expected this rule was brought in expressly to bar the derisive human children from joining in. While the blatant speciesism irked her, she had hardly the moral highground to go down there and call them out on it; her family-owned company was well known to employ Faunus labourers from developing countries in factories with nearly-unlivable conditions.

Her family would disown her if they knew what it was she thought about while gazing at these kids every day.

She winced again as the Faunus boy grabbed the girl's tail. The question she really wondered about was _what does_ having _a tail feel like?_ to which she didn't suppose she would ever learn the answer. Modern wisdom had brought about television, scrolls, _in vitro_ fertilization, and standardized exams, but she doubted she would live to the day when her curiosity might finally be satisfied.

So Weiss sighed, shut the window, closed the blinds, and carefully went to the door and locked it before donning her hairband. The ears weren't real, but - she paused, examining herself in the ceiling-to-floor mirror opposite the bed - they looked good enough that she could at least pretend.

The irony was not lost on her. Her family business, the SDC, was behind almost all the top fashion lines in Vale. Schnee-brand clothes were in every major store, and almost everyone wore something the company had had a hand in making. But to support the enterprise, her father had sought to globalize the production lines to Vacuo and Menagerie, among the poorest and roughest countries in the world, where the working class was populated almost entirely by Faunus. The company, owned by humans and fueled by cheap Faunus labour, had recently been at the center of a televised scandal after incriminating videos revealing how the Faunus were beaten and terrorized regularly at work were leaked.

So it was ironic that the youngest daughter of the family that was infamous worldwide for symbolizing the endemic hatred of the Faunus species wore cat-ears when she was sure she was alone.

Weiss blinked. She'd been studying for several hours while wearing her hairband. Every now and then, she would scratch an itch behind her ears - her real ones - and then dutifully scratch her fake ones. She put a lot of willpower into this make-believe idea that all four of her ears were real, and although she would never know exactly what it would be like to have real, functional, sensate ones, she had become so expert at pretending that she could almost feel phantom sensations in them. They probably felt nothing like what a real Faunus would experience, but to her there was no way to tell the difference.

After having reviewed her entire set of notes three times over, she decided she was ready for the exam tomorrow. She glanced at the 24-hour clock in the kitchen; apparently it was a quarter to twenty-one. Her roommate wouldn't finish her exam for another fifteen minutes. She wanted to snuggle into the bed, with her hairband still on, but Ruby would certainly come and disturb her just before she could achieve the dreamstate she wanted.

She'd been trying to teach herself to lucid dream so that she could experience inhabiting the body she'd always desired. She hadn't succeeded yet, and her prospects were looking increasingly bleak, but it did at least give her something to occupy herself with when she was bored in the evening.

At five to the hour, she was surprised to hear keys at the door. She froze, and quickly pulled off her hairband.

The door creaked open. Fortunately, it was just Ruby. Weiss relaxed tentatively as her familiar roommate slowly entered in. She had grown accustomed to seeing her in the striking red-and-black hoodie she always wore, with her bright and bubbly ever-present smile, and her brilliant, sparkling silver eyes, and the aura of happiness and optimism she exuded constantly.

Which was why Weiss was concerned to see her slump against the door and drop to the floor, glaring apathetically into the air. Weiss didn't have highly-sensitive ears or eyes, but her mind filled in the details. The wrinkling of Ruby's clothes as she deflated, the soft and slow breathing in and out, the friction as her nails dragged weakly against the carpet, her hands balling up into weak fists.

"Ruby?" Weiss asked gently, still sitting on the side of the bed.

When her partner didn't respond, she hesitantly got up and walked over to sit by her.

"What's wrong? Why are you here early?"

Ruby breathed in curtly. "Left the exam early."

"You finished early?" Weiss was confused. Ruby was a stellar student; in the few classes Weiss had been lucky enough to share with her, Ruby almost always finished the exams in barely more than half the allotted time. So why did she look so miserable?

Ruby shook her head. "Nope. Didn't finish."

"You..." Weiss trailed off. She wasn't sure what to say. So she gently put her arm around her friend's shoulders. She always felt very nervous touching her partner; even though Ruby was an incredible athlete, Weiss always treated her delicately, like she was made of glass. Now, her breathing was so shallow Weiss almost couldn't feel it at all.

Ruby flicked her eyes to look at her. Then she smiled that adorable half-smile that made Weiss' heart jump every time.

"I had a headache or something," she explained. "Couldn't focus at all. None of the questions made any sense so I just left."

"I-I'm sorry," Weiss stuttered. "Are you feeling okay?" Ruby had never so much as gotten a cold in the two semesters they'd lived together so far. She put her hand on her forehead. Admittedly, she wasn't exactly sure what to check for; her head felt like a normal temperature to her, but growing up she'd had a team of servants to look out for her health needs so never learned how to care for someone or how to tell the flu from a fever.

Ruby brushed her hand away. "It's okay, kitty-cat," she said, causing Weiss to blush. "I'll be fine. That was my last exam, actually; I get two weeks off now. So don't worry, I can rest up."

 _Kitty-cat_. Weiss cleared her throat. "Don't you think think it's weird that you call me the same pet name that your sister calls her girlfriend?"

Ruby shrugged. "Well you are both Faunus, so - no, why should it be weird?"

"I'm..." Weiss was at a loss for words. Ruby had been incredibly supportive of her since she'd revealed her secret to her in their second year. But she'd never before actually said -

"I'm not -" Weiss tried to say again. But Ruby silenced her again with an affectionate hair-ruffle. Then her fingers hesitated, not finding the familiar cat-ears.

Ruby glanced down at Weiss' hands, which were gripping the hairband so tightly that her knuckles had turned completely white. Ruby silently put her hands over Weiss' and gently pried open her fist.

"You're not my girlfriend, I know," Ruby winked. She placed the hairband over Weiss' head, so close to the place it rested naturally. Weiss adjusted it slightly.

"I - yeah, obviously." Weiss laughed weakly. Ruby looked a little more energized than when she first came in. "Why don't you go take a quick nap, and I'll make some dinner?"

Ruby's eyes creased as she smiled warmly. "That would be really great. Thank you, Weiss." Then her eyes took on a facetious glint. "Just don't make tuna," she added.

Weiss almost laughed. Both of them despised tuna, but sometimes Weiss forced it on herself since cat Faunus were well-known to be fond of it. "Sure thing, partner," she agreed.

"Partner, huh," Ruby repeated under her breath as Weiss stood up.

"Uh, I mean, 'roomie,'" Weiss corrected. Maybe "partner" was too forward. It's not like they were dating or anything. They were just friends; Ruby made it a point to remind her of that fact often.

"Nah," her roommate said. "I like it. Partners in crime."

Weiss smiled. Occasionally it did feel like the two of them were running some kind of illegal business, given Weiss' secrecy. They kept the blinds drawn and the door locked at all times, and it meant she was at her best when they were alone, secluded in the room. She felt bad, all the extra hoops Ruby had to go through to respect Weiss' desire for privacy. But it was completely necessary.

If anybody ever found out, Weiss would probably kill herself.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week after exams had ended. May had arrived and the roses in the garden below had begun to bloom. Ruby was baking cookies and scones and Weiss was making miniature tuna sandwiches. Yang and Blake would bring the chocolates. Their apartment was too small to host high tea for all four of them as was their yearly custom since starting at Beacon College, but the yard below was so cozy and secluded. It was a Tuesday, so the kids in the complex would be away at school, meaning they could indulge in peace.

Weiss had just finished making the eighth sandwich - that would be two for each of them - when she decided it was too quiet.

"I'd like a tail," she announced. Unfortunately, her words were drained out by the blender that Ruby had just turned on in the kitchen.

After a few seconds, Ruby turned the blender off. "Sorry, what was that?"

Weiss straightened her posture. "I said I'd like a tail." Ruby's eyes flicked uncertainly to the open window next to her. The blinds were drawn over it, since Weiss had her hairband on, but they could still be heard. "Also, are you quite certain that cookie batter can be made with a blender?"

Ruby shrugged. "It seems to be working." She turned it on again for a few seconds. It made some very unhappy groans.

Weiss eyed the chunky mixture whirling about in the mixer skeptically. "If you say so," she said after Ruby turned off the blender again.

"Stand up," Ruby said, unplugging the blender.

"Hmm?"

"Stand up," Ruby repeated, motioning with her arms.

"Why?" Weiss asked. She was not the sort to take orders blindly, not without a good reason to.

"Because I'm your roommate and I want to see you stand up."

Weiss gazed at her for a moment. She had such pretty silver eyes. But now they were starting to look at her with some frustration. Weiss shook her head to clear her mind; _best to do what she says_. She stood up.

Ruby made that amazing half-smile again. "Yeah, okay," she nodded, studying Weiss' figure. "I can see it."

"See it?"

"The tail, silly," Ruby laughed. "What colour would it be?"

Weiss frowned. She glanced nervously out the window, but nobody was in the yard. And the breeze was nice. No need to close it. They'd just speak softly.

"I was thinking, white," she said, "to go with - " she pointed at the ears and her hair.

"Those are pink," Ruby said, confused. She put her hands on her hips.

Weiss shook her head. "No; the pink part is just the medial concave portion of the outer ear. It appears pink because it lacks the fur coating seen on the convex side, which is white. The thick skin covers the auricular cartilage" - she tugged her human ear outward to indicate the part she meant, though Ruby didn't look like she quite understood - "and it improves the accoustic properties of the auricle. The ear, that is."

Admittedly, Weiss' knowledge of the anatomy of a cat Faunus' ears greatly surpassed that of whoever designed the hairband. The ears were flat and rigidly triangular, and the fur was scratchy rather than soft. But at a distance they were passable, and their presence was comforting enough to Weiss.

"So you're saying they're not pink?" Ruby asked, to clarify.

"No, you dolt," said Weiss, flustered. "The hair is clearly white."

Ruby raised her hands innocently. "Okay, white tail it is."

Weiss frowned. "Do you... Do you think another colour would look better?" she asked, uncertain.

Ruby smiled and washed off her hands in the sink. "You know I have no opinion. Whatever you want is fine by me."

Weiss' frown dissipated. Ruby was incredibly accepting of her. There was nothing to be worried about; Weiss knew she could wear a tail around the apartment if she wanted to and Ruby wouldn't think it the slightest bit weird.

"Are you sure you want a tail?" Ruby asked as she poured the contents of the blender into a large mixing bowl. "It could get caught, or stuck. Or you could knock things over."

Weiss crossed her arms. "All real cat Faunus have tails, Ruby."

Ruby stuck up her finger. "Not all," she pointed out.

Weiss rubbed her temple. "Right. Sorry, that was callous. But you know that's not what I meant."

"Sure, sure," she said, grabbing a bag of 93% dark chocolate chips and pouring a generous amount into the bowl.

"The sandwiches are done, by the way," Weiss declared. "I made two of them cucumber-and-cream-cheese just for you, since you don't like tuna."

Ruby grinned. "Awwe, thanks! It's hard to separate the batter, but I can put extra sugar and honey in your cookies if you like."

"Why should I get extra sugar and honey?" Weiss asked. She wasn't particularly fond of sweet things; that's why she preferred dark chocolate. She had made sure to ask Ruby to ask Yang to ask Blake to bring dark, not milk, to tea.

"Because that was sweet of you," Ruby winked at her as she mixed the thick batter with a large spoon.

Actually, Ruby might not have winked at her, it was probably her imagination filling in the details as usual. But she definitely wasn't imagining the flushed feeling in her cheeks.

"You're welcome," Weiss muttered, and turned back to the desk, looking for something to occupy herself. Damn the Rose-Xiao Longs and their puns.

* * *

It was eleven - sincerely eleven, not twenty-three - when the couple arrived. After Ruby reminded Weiss to take off her hairband - she tucked it behind the pillow on the bed - they presented themselves at the door and Ruby opened it, instantly tackling her sister before anyone could even say "hello."

"Hello," Yang said, wrapped in Ruby's arms.

"Hi," Ruby said sweetly, clutching her dear sister. "You should come by more often, you know."

"You could always visit us," Yang pointed out.

Weiss smiled as she watched the sisters hug tightly. Ruby turned her head to look at Weiss, still holding onto her sister. The Rose-Xiao Longs were gifted with incredible good looks. Yang's burning gold hair and Ruby's brilliant silver eyes. They were the sun and the moon.

Ruby stepped out of the embrace and gave a curt nod to Blake. It was a stark contrast to the lively way she greeted her sister.

Blake smiled warmly, and raised her arms. In her hands was a box of a dozen delightful, brightly-coloured chocolates. Blake advertised them with a wiggle. Weiss was pleased to note the box claimed they were dark chocolate, despite the colours.

Weiss grinned. Then she opened her arms to offer a hug, which Blake accepted. "Thanks Blake, you remembered!"

Blake tilted her head. "Remembered what?"

Yang chuckled. "Apparently not. What should she have remembered, Weiss?"

"The chocolates. They're dark."

Blake glanced at Yang in confusion, who then deferred the glance to Ruby.

"Ohh," Ruby said. "Shoot, I forgot."

"You forgot?" Weiss exclaimed. "Ruby, you know I absolutely detest milk chocolate."

Ruby shrugged. "And I absolutely detest tuna. But look, it worked out anyway. She got darks."

Blake stared at Ruby in surprise. "You don't like tuna? But I thought..."

The last and only two times that Ruby and Weiss had gone to visit the couple in their own apartment they'd been treated to tuna each time. Weiss dealt with it stoically as she always did, but Ruby had gotten sick and thrown up both times. Not wanting to insult their hosts, they'd insisted that tuna was their favourite food.

"N-no," Ruby explained. "I love the taste of tuna. I just - I hate the fish."

Blake raised an eyebrow. Yang raised both.

Ruby coughed. "It's true, I had a traumatic run-in with a tuna fish as a girl." Ruby gave Weiss a desperate look.

"That's why she loves to eat tuna so much," Weiss explained. "It's revenge."

"Yeah!" Ruby nodded emphatically. "Exactly."

The three of them looked to Yang, whose expression was some mixture of doubt and amusement.

"Yep," Yang confirmed. "That happened. She was five. The tuna was this big." Yang stretched out her arms.

Blake's eyes widened. "Wow, that's enormous. I didn't know they got so large."

"Oh yeah," Ruby agreed. "Real large."

Weiss glanced between the sisters. Yang had taken this in stride so well; now she wasn't sure if Ruby was actually making up the story or not.

"In any case, come down to the secret garden. There's a table, and roses; it's really nice. Yang, did you bring the plates?"

"Yep," she said, reaching into her backpack and withdrawing a metal frame. Weiss nodded happily; the Rose-Xiao Longs inherited a very nice tea set with a proper set of plates that fit into a rising metal frame. Of course, it wasn't as elegant as the sets she was used to from her childhood, but she still had a twinge of envy for the sisters.

Weiss hadn't inherited anything yet, but her parents were still alive. It would likely all go to Winter, the heiress, anyway; Weiss was very much the black sheep of the family.

"Or cat, as it were," Weiss completed her thoughts aloud.

Blake's ears twitched and she glanced at her. Weiss smiled and motioned for them to follow her downstairs to the garden. Ruby would bring down the silverware and the confections momentarily.

Weiss stole one last glance at her roommate as they left. She waved them off, but there was something in those eyes, something wasn't right. But Yang and Blake struck up a conversation and Weiss had to go entertain their guests. She'd be sure to ask Ruby what was up later.

* * *

Weiss was so transfixed by Blake's ears that she poured her tea right to the brim of the cup. There was once a time when Blake hid her ears under a bow. It was in their first year at Beacon College, when the scandal had begun, and every Faunus in the world spat the name Schnee like it was any other curse word. That year had been tense, fights erupting spontaneously, with harsh words being thrown about in once-civil class discussions and punches thrown about in the once-peaceful hallways.

Weiss herself had tried her best to keep a low profile, but the year had left its mark on her. She had Blake to thank for the fact that it had only been her eyelid. Somehow they'd established a close, intense friendship, despite Weiss being the daughter of the family whose company had tormented and abused Blake's family, and Blake herself. Weiss didn't know this at first, though; Blake had remained closeted to her for nearly a year.

"So what type of tea is this?" Blake asked. "It smells really nice."

"Crescent Rose. To celebrate that Ruby's about to graduate. It's her favourite."

"You're not graduating?" Yang asked, surprised.

Weiss shook her head. "I'm doing a five year degree."

"So you two are breaking up, then?" Blake asked.

"We're not dating," Ruby said, flustered, as Weiss moved over to pour tea for her.

"I mean, you're moving out?" Blake clarified.

Weiss glanced at Ruby in concern. They hadn't actually talked about it yet.

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see if I can get that job."

Weiss finished by pouring her own cup of tea. She sat down and folded a napkin over her lap, joining them. The yard wasn't very large - maybe 15 metres across in both directions - but it was nicely enclosed, with a flower patch, so they called it the "secret garden" just for fun. Realistically, it was far from secret; on all four sides were apartment units with windows facing them.

She often wished she had a real secret garden, where she could wear her ears, a place only she and Ruby could go. The Schnee manor had private gardens, but she'd never really had any real privacy in her life; there had always been someone to watch her. Someone to make sure she didn't step out of line.

"So Ruby, that reminds me, any boys?" Yang asked, with a playful look in her eyes.

Ruby laughed. "Oh, no. Nothing that sticks."

Weiss wasn't sure what she meant by that. Nothing that sticks? Did that mean she'd been trying? Weiss tried to think of any times that Ruby might have gone out without any explanation.

"Any girls?" Blake added happily.

Ruby rolled her eyes, her smile fading slightly. "Ha-ha," she said, enunciating the syllables sarcastically. "I am as straight as a ramp. You can stop asking now."

Weiss noticed her hands were gripping her teacup very tightly. Maybe it was time to begin the first course.

"Alright, ladies, listen up," she announced. "On the first platter," she motioned to the lowest of the three vertically stacked plates in the metal frame, "we have tuna sandwiches, our favourite."

Blake grinned wolfishly. It was a disconcerting look on her. Ruby carefully searched the plate for the two different-looking mini sandwiches.

"On the second, we have chocolate-chip cookies and raspberry butter scones, with clotted cream," Weiss continued, motioning to the second plate. "And I'll leave Blake to explain the chocolates."

Blake smiled sheepishly. Again, disconcerting. "I don't actually know what the chocolates are, but the chocolatier recommended them as being very well suited to afternoon tea."

"Ah, it will be a mystery then! That fits the secret garden theme perfectly," Ruby said cheerily.

"Technically it's high tea, not afternoon tea," Weiss corrected Blake.

Blake shrugged innocently. "I can't say I know the difference." She glanced at her scroll to check the time. "Oh, I see, it's only eleven-thirty. Maybe 'morning tea,' then?"

"How uncouth. There is no such thing," Weiss explained. She knew Blake came from a not-well-to-do Faunus family, but she was amused that she didn't even know the difference between afternoon tea and high tea.

"We can make it 'morning tea' if you want, love," Yang offered.

"It's rapidly becoming 'noon tea,'" Blake pointed out.

"Outrageous," Weiss scoffed. But she was smiling. She took a bite of her tuna sandwich.

Yang looked up at the sky above them. There were hardly any clouds at all.

"Maybe it can be 'bright-and-sunny' tea," Yang said.

"That wouldn't work if we held it indoors, or if it were cloudy," Blake said. "We need to have foresight for the next time we hold tea."

"Oh, that won't be a problem," Yang said, mischievously. "The name will always be appropriate so long as you're on the guest list." She winked.

Damn the Rose-Xiao Longs and their puns. Blake blushed, her ears flattening, and she quickly leaned over and kissed her girlfriend.

Weiss blushed at this, too. She remembered the first time she'd seen them kiss, early in second year; it had taken her and Ruby both completely by surprise. They'd all been friends up to that point, and Weiss had Blake were especially close. It was a happy _status quo_ and she'd thought nothing would ever change. But then Blake and Yang were suddenly dating, and Weiss' eyes turned to Ruby instead.

She glanced at her roommate. Her "partner in crime." Ruby was looking pointedly away from her sister as they kissed. For some reason, Ruby had never approved of their relationship. Weiss still wasn't entirely sure why. The Rose-Xiao Longs were a liberal family; could Ruby be holding reservations at their interspecies relationship? Or was it that they were a same-sex couple? Weiss' stomach murmured in complaint, probably at the tuna it had been fed.

"So, which ones are the scones and which ones are the cookies?" Blake asked, pulling away from Yang.

Weiss' brow furrowed. High tea and afternoon tea, that was an understandable confusion. But scones looked nothing like cookies. She glanced at the plate, and realized there wasn't a scone to be seen.

"Oh, shoot!" Ruby said. "I forgot the scones." She stood up swiftly. "Sorry, sorry, that would have ruined everything. I'll go get them."

"It's okay, Ruby; there's no problem, really," Weiss consoled her partner. "We'd obviously have noticed before starting on them."

Ruby didn't look entirely comforted by this. Evidently, something was bothering her. But she took off quickly to go back inside before Weiss could say anything else.

She turned back to the couple. Blake was eating one of the sandwiches.

"These are delicious," Blake said, her mouth full. Weiss chuckled.

"I'm glad," she said, and stood up. "Just a moment, I'm going to go check on my partner."

"Your partner?" Yang asked. Weiss hadn't even realized that's what she'd been thinking of Ruby as, now.

"My roommate," Weiss corrected, blushing. She had been right, it was definitely too forward.

"Okay, I think we can keep ourselves occupied," Yang said, glancing at Blake mischievously. Blake's ears flattened again. She took careful note of this, wondering what that kind of involuntary reaction felt like and what stimuli could cause it.

Then Weiss chuckled. "You know this garden isn't really a secret, right."

Blake shrugged as Weiss ran off. "That's okay. Yang and I aren't a secret either."

Weiss should have laughed. But it tugged at her on the inside; she was still a secret herself.

* * *

She found her her partner not in the kitchen with the scones, but on the bed, sitting with her arms around her knees. Instantly, Weiss recognized something was wrong.

"Hey," Weiss said softly, sitting down next to her on the bed.

"I'll get the scones in a second," Ruby explained. Her voice was so quiet, so soft, she was hardly even speaking. This was one of the many reasons Weiss always treated her so delicately. She was precious. Her parents must have known that when they gave her her name.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, until Weiss finally spoke. "Do you want to talk about whatever it is?"

Ruby glanced at her sadly, with those big wide silver moons of hers. Then she lifted her hands and placed Weiss' hairband on her head. Weiss hadn't even noticed that she'd been holding it. This time, Ruby didn't even get close to putting it on the right spot. Weiss didn't mind, though. How could she? Her partner was here, upset about something she wouldn't talk about, and her eyes, her eyes, her eyes. Damn the Rose-Xiao Longs and their eyes. She felt so tempted to just lean in until everything was silver.

But instead she flicked her own eyes back to the door. It wasn't locked. She wasn't safe here.

Weiss adjusted her hairband so that it was in the right spot. She felt very conflicted; she wanted to take it off, because somebody could walk in. But she wanted to leave it on; this moment was so perfect, with her and Ruby like this.

She reached up to take off her hairband, but Ruby was faster, as always. She grabbed her hands, not harshly, just to stop her. Her eyes were smiling, gazing at the ears. Weiss felt a warm feeling in her heart blossom.

"I just needed a breather, kitten. That's all."

 _Kitten_. That was a new one. Weiss almost felt her ears flatten against her head. Though of course her ears couldn't really move; they were made of plastic, not skin and fur and muscle and cartilege and nerves and veins and all sorts of connective tissue.

Maybe Ruby hadn't really said it. There were a lot of things her partner never said. Weiss' human ears never heard Ruby talk about the pain that Weiss' human eyes could see was in Ruby's silver eyes. Weiss' human ears never heard the sharp breaths her partner took or the lonely sighs she breathed, they never heard her say _I'm hurting_ or _I need you_ , but Weiss knew she said them silently, and Weiss' imperfect human ears didn't hear the sound of Blake's subtle Faunus feet on the floor or the creak of the door.

It was the sudden worry in Ruby's eyes as they darted between the ears above her and who was behind her. That was how Weiss knew she'd been found out.


	3. Chapter 3

"What, um, what is..." Blake's voice wavered uncertainly. She was standing by the door, holding a broken teacup in her hand.

Weiss could see in the reflection in the mirror next the narrow entranceway that she and Ruby were both wide-eyed. And there were the ears. She quickly moved her trembling hands to take off the hairband. But now she was holding it in her hands in her lap, and it just looked more incriminating. Should she hide it? She didn't know. Was her heart still beating? Yes, it was just her imagination that it had stopped. She looked to Ruby. Her partner would know what to do.

Ruby sighed and grabbed the hairband out of her hands, harshly this time. Weiss made a small noise of protest, but then Ruby slid the hairband firmly back onto Weiss' head.

"Wha -" Weiss started. Why was Ruby doing this? Didn't she realize Blake could see? She looked to the Faunus that had entered the room; her expression was a mix of confusion, disgust, perhaps even anger. Or perhaps there wasn't anger; if Weiss only had sharper eyes she knew she'd be able to see it.

"Weiss is a Faunus," Ruby said, loud and clear. Weiss' breath caught; the window was still open. People could hear. If Yang was still outside, she could hear. She stood up quickly and walked to the window, pushing aside the blinds to close it firmly. It wouldn't budge at first, so she panicked and pushed as hard as she could until it slammed against the sill. There was Yang down there, waiting patiently, bored, at the table. She was startled by the noise of the window and looked around for it, clearly unable to identify the source.

"What do you mean she's a Faunus? Huh?" Blake said. Her voice was angry. Or maybe more uncertain than angry. Maybe it wasn't even angry at all. Weiss didn't know what to do, so she walked over to the kitchen and turned on the kettle. They already had tea waiting for them out in the garden, but somehow more tea would help. When the kettle was on, nothing bad could happen, it was a sincere truth.

"Weiss is a cat Faunus, like you," Ruby explained. "Weiss, why are your ears pink?"

Weiss noticed her hands were shaking. She closed her eyes and repeated what it had said in the book once more. "Because of the skin, it covers the outer pinna, it doesn't have hair, which improves the accoustic properties of, um, the aural cartilage..." she trailed off. No, that didn't make sense; she must have been getting the parts mixed up. Or maybe it made sense. But Blake would know better; she'd call her out on it. She'd call her out on being a fraud. How was that even fair? Blake had spent her whole life being a Faunus and all Weiss had were books and anatomy diagrams.

"What?" Blake brought her hand to her face and closed her eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Weiss is a -" Ruby started again, calmly, but Blake interrupted.

"Weiss is a Schnee!" she yelled. "What the hell does she know about being a Faunus?" She turned to Weiss. "You haven't lived your whole life being treated like a 'freak,' a 'mutant.'" She spat the words out, making quotation marks with her fingers.

Weiss raised her hands defensively as Blake walked rapidly toward her. Then Blake reached out with her hand. Weiss closed her eyes, expecting to be slapped. But instead, Blake grabbed her hairband and ripped it off her head. She winced as a few hairs got pulled out.

She opened her eyes to see Blake had dropped the hairband and was studying the top of her head.

"What the Dust were you even thinking," Blake said. "Do you have any idea how offensive that is?"

"I'm sorry," Weiss whimpered. She wanted to collapse against the counter.

"Was that - a joke or something? You thought I'd find it funny?" Blake just sounded bored.

"I'm sorry," Weiss repeated. "I just, I've always wanted to have..." She met Blake's eyes pleadingly. "Your ears are so pretty!"

Blake's eyes narrowed. "I'm pretty?" She tugged her ear with her hand, and leaned over so Weiss could see better. "See this scar?" Weiss nodded. There was a thin white line that crossed about three-quarters of the way laterally, straight through the concha. Weiss imagined it must have been painful, but she was also curious; Blake was tugging her ear quite a lot, and yet it wasn't stretching. Cat Faunus ears must not be nearly as elastic as human ones. Also of note was that her ears weren't twitching, the normal reaction to being touched. Perhaps it was because Blake herself was the one touching them; presumably this was similar to how self-initiated tickling doesn't provoke the same response felt when tickled by an external source

"Yeah," Blake said, snapping Weiss out of her thoughts. "That's where a police officer - a human police officer - nearly cut it off with a knife. When I was seven years old." Tears were brimming in her ears. "Of course I couldn't even feel the pain at that point anymore because she had already -"

Blake was cut off as she hiccupped. "She'd already... They couldn't..." Blake shook her head. "And it was an _SDC_ policy, apparently. Because my parents. And for that they took my -" her voice broke. "What right do you have?"

"I'm sorry," Weiss said, so weakly, it was just her mouth moving. If it was even moving. Her chin was shaking and she couldn't even tell.

Blake kicked her hairband up from the floor, grabbed it swiftly with her hand, and shoved it right into her chest. Weiss stumbled backward, just barely avoiding burning her hand on the electric stove.

"Be as damn pretty as you want," Blake spat. "I always thought you were, if that means anything."

Then she turned around and left, shutting the door firmly, leaving Weiss to wonder whether she even said that last part at all. It was just her and Ruby, in the room that was now awkwardly hot from mid-day May heat.

They both remained stock still, not meeting each others' eyes until the kettle began to whistle, cutting into the resounding silence like butterknife through a raspberry scone. Weiss let it scream at her for five minutes until finally she turned off the heat, and the noise wound down and died pathetically.


	4. Chapter 4

"I think the bow looks really nice on you," Ruby said, smiling widely. "It looks just like..." she trailed off.

"It is, actually," Weiss acknowledged. "It's Blake's bow."

"The same type? Or..."

"Nope, it's hers. She gave it to me."

Ruby's eyes widened as she leaned back on the arm of the bench. "She gave it to you? Recently?"

Blake hadn't talked to them since the tea party disaster last week. Yang had been over a few times to try to make peace.

Weiss shook her head. "No. Years ago. It was after she stopped wearing it."

"Wow," Ruby frowned, impressed. "You've been holding onto it a long time. Still," she blinked, her silver eyes reflecting the sun through the trees beautifully, "I hope some day you can take it off."

"Like Blake." Weiss nodded in agreement. "But now's not the time."

"Okay..." Ruby sighed.

"So, what's wrong?" Weiss asked. "You've been in a funk."

"I have?" she didn't sound very surprised.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Yeah. You have. Talk." She snapped her fingers on both hands.

Some time passed before Ruby responded, as she waited for a human mother and daughter strolling through the park to pass by them. Weiss recognized them from their apartment complex.

Ruby frowned. "You remember that exam I had, two weeks ago? The last one?"

Weiss nodded. "Yeah, I remember, you came home early."

"Uh-huh," she agreed. "I'm worried, I think I failed it." She bit her lip.

Weiss wanted to put her hand on her arm in comfort, but she was worried. Ruby kept reminding her that they were just friends. But then sometimes she did things that made her think otherwise. Such a confusing girl.

 _Like this,_ Weiss thought wryly as Ruby suddenly leaned into her and rested her head on Weiss' shoulder. Weiss almost wanted to resist, but Ruby was so warm and soft and lovely. Weiss figured, since Ruby had initiated it, it was probably okay to put her arm around her in comfort.

Yang had explained it to her once. She said Ruby really needed physical contact in any close friendship. Yang said she and her sister were the same way; if someone didn't hug or cuddle with them now and then they'd worry they'd be abandoned, just like with their parents.

But it still bothered Weiss that only Ruby was allowed to do this. Where and when this happened was entirely on Ruby's terms and not hers. Though in the moment, Weiss didn't care so much. At least it was happening now. She rubbed Ruby's other arm affectionately.

"You're really smart, you know. The smartest person I know, honestly." Weiss smiled. "Other than myself of course."

Ruby tried in vain to elbow her, but the topology of their arrangement didn't allow it.

"I think you'll be fine," Weiss continued.

"But what if I fail?" she asked. "I'll have to re-take it. I won't graduate."

 _I wouldn't mind that_ , Weiss almost said. At least, she didn't think she said it. Ruby didn't try to elbow her again.

"The grades are released tomorrow evening," Ruby said. "I'm scared." Her voice was wobbling.

"Why do you think you did poorly?" Weiss asked.

"I don't know. I guess I was distracted," she admitted.

"You were distracted? What was distracting you?"

Ruby shifted. "I don't know."

"You don't know what was distracting you," Weiss summarized skeptically. Ruby pulled away from her. Weiss frowned; maybe she shouldn't have said that so sarcastically.

"It doesn't really matter," Ruby said. Weiss shot her a look that she hoped conveyed _I don't believe you_. But Ruby's expression didn't change, so maybe Ruby had thought it meant something completely different.

"Anyway," Ruby continued. "We should be more worried about you. You have real problems."

"What, do you have fake problems?" Weiss shot back.

"Weiss..." Ruby sounded annoyed with her. That was twice Weiss had offended her. Though both times it had sounded better in her head. So maybe she hadn't offended her. Weiss had had plenty of training in diplomacy as a child; nothing could come out of her mouth that wasn't surgically precise.

Though sometimes when talking to Ruby her words did seems to betray her.

"I'm sorry," Weiss apologized, employing her diplomatic charisma. "But really, my problems are entirely inconsequential."

"What?" Ruby said, disbelieving. "How can you say that?"

Weiss shrugged. "Blake, my family, my recent isolation - all of these issues I brought upon myself. I have only myself to blame. I didn't have to cause these problems; they are entirely my fault."

Ruby shook her head, her eyes wide. "What the heck? Where did this attitude come from? You have everybody _but_ yourself to blame. This," she paused and looked up at her bow, "this is not your fault in anyway. In any case, blaming yourself is just insulting, because, because," she raised her hands, trying to find the words. "We're partners in crime. So don't go shutting me out."

"I didn't say I'd shut you out," Weiss said.

"Well, it felt like you were going to. So, don't." Ruby's beautiful eyes were pleading. "Don't do that."

Weiss nodded numbly. Ruby was sitting here on the park bench with her. She was always so nice to her.

 _What did I do to deserve you?_ Weiss thought.

"I could say the same thing," Ruby said. Weiss blinked in surprise. Had she said that aloud?

"I, um," Weiss paused. The sun through the trees suddenly had Ruby in the spotlight. There was nobody else around in the park right now. It was a good time to bring up the subject.

"While, um, while we're talking openly, there's something I should tell you."

Ruby was suddenly completely still. Weiss could tell Ruby was conflicted between stopping her and hearing her out. Even her eyes, which were glued to her, seemed like they were trying to break free.

"I, um," Weiss shook her head. A warning bell went off. That was two _ums_ within ten seconds. Or was it three? She straightened up, put her hands on her lap, and fixed eye contact, remembering her lessons.

She breathed out. "My sister is coming to visit. Tomorrow."

"Oh," Ruby said, relaxing. "Okay, is that a problem?"

Weiss shrugged. "She usually only comes to deliver Father's agenda."

"Agenda?"

"Yes."

"What, what does that mean?" Ruby asked. Then she stood up. "Also, let's keep walking. I'm getting cold."

"Okay," Weiss chuckled. She could easily remedy that for her without standing up. Ruby knew that, too. She continued, "It most likely means bad news."

Ruby held out her hand to help her up, which Weiss accepted. Then it was hard to let go.

"Well, whatever it is, you know I'm here. Yeah?"

Weiss smiled.

Then Ruby stopped. "Oh, shoot. I forgot. My sister is coming over tomorrow, too."

"Yang? Why?"

"Uh, she - told me not to say." Ruby puffed out her cheeks.

Weiss gave her another look. _Come on, you can tell me._ Although it felt like she was giving the same look she gave last time. Hopefully Ruby would understand anyway.

"She's bringing, uh, she's bringing her..." Ruby trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. It's like she didn't want to say _girlfriend_.

"Blake?" Weiss offered.

"Yeah!" Ruby agreed. Then her silver eyes spotted something and her words slowed down. "She's bringing her Blake..."

Weiss followed her gaze.

"Oh please, I thought you said you were cold," Weiss protested.

"Not _that_ cold," Ruby grinned. "Besides, it's summer."

Weiss checked the date on her scroll. "Barely," she muttered. Admittedly, she didn't know when summer officially started, but May still felt like spring in her head.

Ruby started walking zombie-like toward the ice cream truck.

Weiss shook her head. "Fine," she said, like a mother might say to her child. "One scoop."

But then Ruby and those damn Rose-Xiao Long eyes and that adorable face she couldn't say no to.

"Or however many you want," she said quickly. "Is Blake really coming over tomorrow?"

Ruby paused her steady advance toward the ice cream. "Yeah. I know you don't want to see her, but -"

Weiss sighed. "I want to see her."

Ruby's eyes widened. "You do?" Then she grinned. "That's great!"

It was certainly Weiss' imagination, but Ruby's words did sound just a little bittersweet.

"I mean, she is basically my best friend," Weiss said. "I would be remiss not to patch things up. Though it won't be easy."

Ruby didn't say anything for a moment. Weiss almost gasped, realizing what she said.

"My best friend after you, of course." She didn't even realize, she didn't think of Ruby as a friend, really. Roommate. Partner. Wasn't that better than _friend_?

Ruby smirked. "Heh. Yeah. Well, anyway, I'll help you with it. With her."

Weiss bowed gracefully.

"Ice cream?" she offered.

"Ice cream," Ruby agreed.

It was nice that they got to spend time together like this, now that they were both finished. The upcoming few days and weeks would bring new adventures for sure, and probably many tears. But she saw Ruby was smiling, and so was she, despite everything that had happened lately, and in their lives.

Weiss finally felt happy, really happy, for the first time in weeks. Or maybe she'd been happy a lot, and she just didn't remember. Ruby's smiling face tended to make her forget everything but the present. She wished the feeling would last forever.

It didn't even last to the end of the day.


	5. Chapter 5

She let the blood soak into her white hair. It was horrible, what she'd done, but for some reason she felt compelled to. It was necessary. There had to be a _reason_ they weren't there, if anyone looked. If she looked. She wondered, who was she trying to fool? Was it herself, or everyone else? She hoped, she somehow believed, if she was convincing enough, the lie would become reality. What's the difference, really, between something taken away and something that was never there to begin with?

* * *

Her skirt joined the pile growing of clothes at the ground and she turned herself around to get a better angle. She knew exactly the spot. Her fingernails gleamed - or maybe it was the object they held. Her breath caught for a moment, as she saw those silver eyes. But she hadn't seen them. They would never see, they would never find out, because they always had to believe she was beautiful. And she had to believe it, too. It just had to be deep enough that it looked real.

* * *

She tried not to make any noise, but some whimpers escaped through grated teeth. The shower was on, to mask her suffering. She could let the guilt wash out in just a minute. She only prayed those eyes would forgive her if they did see.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 Which is, at least, what she remembered of it.

* * *

And then it was over. What was never there had now been removed.

Father was to thank, really. She just hadn't known it was policy until last week.


End file.
